Trying not to fall in love is like walking on ice

We have been sitting on the roof for quite sometimes. It was the first night of summer, I think, when we decided to climb up the roof and light the fire and smoke some cigars and bring several bottle of beers with us.

It was the first night I saw David again after he told his dad that he is different, that we are not dating, and that he is not interested in girls, and that he is more attracted to his species in particular. I was worried about him and sent him a letter that put on his apartment door one morning. That night, he called, and we talked on the roof.

The roof was at the place where David used to live, where we spent nights and nights of just talking about nothing, counting the stars or just looking at air planes that passed by, counting my past relationship, and David's decision to tell the truth.

It was absolutely one of our best time together. Again I wish he is not gay, but he is.

I talked to him about my decision also, to be single and remain in solitude. I had the best time with myself since I left Noel. There's freedom on doing things I want to do and more time to study and to learn and to write and absolutely no one else to consider when I want to hang a picture on the wall. There is no one controling me of what to do and there is a freedom to focus on my passion to write. There is no one to call me in the middle of the night telling me I have to sleep instead of finishing my book all night. I am responsible for myself and I absolutely love it.

And if someday I want to travel the world there is no one to say no no no.

David laugh.

He doesn't think that is possible in my case. He said I would be lonely and cannot cope of being alone. He said I would crave for companion and that what I was always looking for. He said I don't need anyone else because he is beside me.

If the lights of that clay fire place could reach my face he probably seen me turned red. I was mad that he is so sure about himself but I hate to day that that was right. David is always with me. There is never me alone when Noel ran away, but there's always him.

David said he wants to be single too. It is absolutely non-sense he thinks, to get married. His family is too important for him and when his dad suffers just to think of him, then it's probably right just to stay alone. The pain would be less.

So, here we are two singles and heinekens and fire-clay and the skies and the top of trees and the haze. Waiting and embracing the night to turn bright when we can go back to our lifes and do as we please with it.

It was almost a year ago and I began to split David from my life, trying to prove that I can be single in the couple's world. The mean couple's world. When you are single and no one to date, people would ask "what's wrong" when I could ask the same question "why are you married, what's wrong with you". Being single is not easy and it take preserverance but it has other advantages that married couple won't have. One of my passion is to work where I can express my faith and continue to write. This is actually one of the best time I've ever had in my life. I am not as naive as a ten year old anymore since David, and Noel, and Nick, and who ever crossed my path. Life is beautiful when you asked the lesson to be learned.

But today, I felt something different. It was the same butterfly in my stomach that drives me crazy and cannot think and cannot concentrate and cannot sleep. It has been four nights in a row when I always wake up at two a.m. and stay up until morning. I want someone. Companion. Relationship. Hope. Etcetera, et cetera. I pick up the phone and call David again.

"What is your biggest mistake in your life, Wulan?" David said, laughing,"Not listening to David." He was right, again."When someone is falling in love, they just can't deny, it, can they?" I regret telling David THE news, but I let him talks. It's nice to see David again, and to visit our favorite coffee house. I only come here with David, it's like a sacred place for us, and both of us won't take our dates here, except Noel. I violated the "law" one time. "So, who is this lucky guy?"

So, I decided that Wulan is falling in love. But I am still looking for this someone for her (help me, if you would). No more j*rk, please. Just a nice guy with a good heart that will share some of his path with her. Side by side. But it is not easy to figure out this character and what he would be like. He would be perfect for Wulan but he can't be perfect, no one is perfect unless he is Superman (even Superman is not perfect, he cannot figure out even how to wear underwear. Insert *smile* here. )So, this might be the end of the story, for a while, until I have an idea of - who is this lucky guy -.