DDTW-052905

What am I supposed to do? Be perfect and smile and hold my hair with the perfect hairspray so it can't move? Keep my smile wide open even though I want to scream? The whole room probably saw me laughing but I can't wait to get out. I just can't pretend. This is me...Nice to meet you.

I was sold out by Olga's words. "I was so angry I had only two costumers today, please by this..." I took it. I even went back to my apartment upstairs just to get some cash cause I've never carry any..not in this neighborhood. After awhile I realized. This bracelets meant to be mine. It is my "symbol" of life, the crab. If thirty is supposed to be the magic word, then I am getting closer and it frightened me more than anything. This afternoon someone told me that "I look alot younger than I look" after she saw my ID. It was supposed to be a compliment but somehow I felt so sad. I am old. O, quiet, you...

At the pew. Thinking about how he brought me away from home to be home with him. Although somedays were dissapointing because of my own failures, I know he worked and is working in me. Somehow I can feel the big plan he laid out for me. But can I do that?